the "Holy Crap, She's Updating!" Update

As you can imagine, it's been a very up and down couple of weeks here. I haven't been really sure what I'd be thinking or feeling even an hour hence most of the time, and I've been vague as hell. Those of you who know me well will know that the latter is highly unusual (and also a little scary) - I rely on my memory so much to maintain my independence that it's mostly quite spiffily accurate. In fact, without me around, I suspect Cam's memory will get substantially better; he's been relying heavily on mine for the last seven years and his has deteriorated because of it.

I've just moved out of Kerry and Gemma's and into the sunroom of a friend from work's place today. I've been grateful for the space at Kerry and Gemma's, but I'll be happy to be a ten minute bus ride from the city and work as opposed to being a ten minute bus ride and a wait for a train that takes twenty mintues out. No matter how lovely they are, being around a married couple right now would probably also make me a bit more morose and cynical than I already feel. Being in a house with two quiet single girls my age is definitely the best option.

The next ten days are going to be very, very busy indeed. I haven't done all the packing I want to, and there are heaps of people I'm yet to say goodbye to. I started in on the goodbyes this week, and I think it's making everything seem a bit more real. That, and tidying up work projects, handing in my resignations for a couple of committees and boards I'm on, and beginning to look at rental costs and job opportunities in Canberra.

I was saying to Cam today that I haven't really had the 'luxury' of a denial stage because I basically have to pick up my life and move straightaway. But on reflection, that whole process probably also means the full onset of grief is going to take much longer, because I'll have so much in the way of practical details to distract me for some time to come.

Cam and I seem to be getting along as well as can be expected right now. Things are a bit awkward at times, but I guess it'll be like that for a while to come. I know we won't ever get back to the way we've behaved togather in the past, but I hope that whatever permutations our relationship takes, things will basically be good between us.

The weather in Perth has been reflecting my mood rather well this week. Smoke everywhere; thick and hazy. It was so bad the other day that we couldn't see down to the water from our office windows. Considering we're above the 20th floor and right on the Terrace, that's pretty alarming. There were even army tanks going through the CBD on their way out to fight the bushfires. It was a war zone without a war, and a deliberate threat to make our worlds ugly and hoarse.